Burned out

by Johna
(Clatskanie Or U.S.A.)

I don't know if this is a question or just venting but here goes...
I am 41 I have been married for 23yrs I have 11 children 6 boys 5 girls ( yes they are all mine,I gave birth to each one by the same husband. Praise the Lord).
The oldest is 21 the youngest will be 2 next month. We have homeschooled since the begining.

We have moved 12 times and are currently living in a house that has been in the remodeling process since we moved in almost three years ago. It is small and very unfinished. My husband works 44 hours a week and is the assistant pastor of our church. I have been depressed and overwhelmed for about 5 years now. All of the remodelling decisions have fallen to me and I have never had to make those kind of decisions in the past. My sons have done all the work on the house while my husband works.

We have tried all kinds of curriculums trying to find one that will work for us but we never have the money to just buy all new and I have tried to cobble things together with used and a little new here and there.

I am not a high energy kind of person but I am not lazy either But I just can't seem to get past this burn out this time I need help I have gone to the doctor, and I have gotten some better and I started exercising daily and have gotten into shape and lost the extra weight. My husband has also been bending over backwards to make our relationship great. So things are looking up, but the thought of trying to get back into the groove (not that I have a deep groove 'cause I don't) of homeschooling after the holidays and my oldest daughter going to Israel for 6 months ( she was my right arm) well the thought just totally overwhelms me. Today was the first full day after dropping my daughter off at the airport, I had all kinds of plans to deep clean and organize so we can get a good fresh start on school and daily life after this weekend but instead...I have no energy and no motivation and feel disorientated..... I was thinking things like I just can't do it we should put the kids in school ( I have never seriously thought this before) any one with any thought to share?????